


A Reason

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was too nice, by troll standards at least, and she came back from<br/>death even though her dream self died long before she did. <br/>There had to be a reason. (Just a cute little idea I came up.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me for this. Also, this story will be very short with very short chapters.

The bed creaked.  
A girl shifted in her the covers, her legs tucked under her. She leaned forward, eyeing the computer screen in front of her groggily. The digital clock on the bottom corner read 4:14 a.m.  
Kathleen glanced down at it and groaned. Being a narcoleptic during the day often made her an insomniac at night.  
The Irish girl’s traditional green eyes throbbed from the strain they were under. The room around her was pitch black and the only light source was that of her laptop.  
Subconsciously, she leaned back onto her bed. Her eyes began to feel heavy.  
She reached over and closed her laptop, sliding it off her lap.  
Then she curled up and fell asleep.


	2. An Unpleasant Moment

“Kanya!!”  
Someone shook her gently and persistently, calling her name with a mixture of worry and annoyance.  
She groaned, her eyes fluttering, but not opening. Why couldn’t she sleep in? It was Saturday for crying out loud!  
“Five more minutes…” She grumbled meekly, rolling over and away from whoever was holding her. Then she snuggled deeper into the pile of pillows.  
“No. Kanaya, get up.” The voice growled and whoever was there rolled her back over and patted the sides of her face gently, but sharply. “You know sleeping isn’t allowed anymore…”  
Her eyes opened slowly. Confusion and a little bit of fear ran through her.  
A gray-skinned boy clutched her shoulders, frowning down at her. Nubby horns sprouted out of his skull and his grey eyes and permanently upset face was surprisingly familiar.  
Recognition suddenly filled her and she sat up, smiling softly.  
“Apologies, Karkat.” She mumbled, patting his cheek in reassurance and standing.  
She must be Kanaya now, her alternate jadeblooded troll-self. That meant her human-self must have passed out somewhere. She really hoped her brother wouldn’t start forcing her to use her meds again because of this incident. They kept her human self awake too long and her troll self asleep for too long, which worried her eleven other friends. Especially Karkat, who she thought of as the little brother Kathleen the human wished for and the moirail that troll Kanaya wanted so badly.  
He rolled his eyes. “Any nightmares you need to cry your dumb eyes out about?”  
“Nope.” She answered, not really thinking.  
She froze as he raised an eyebrow. Oops. Normally, she’d just lie to him and make up some horrible nightmare, but, this time, she’d slipped up. Now he’d probably start questioning her, which, though she dearly cared for the mutant, was never a pleasant thing to endure, mainly because of his attitude.  
“…Whatever.” He grumbled turning and stalking over to Sollux and Feferi, who were on Gamzee’s horn-pile.  
She frowned. That was…Odd, to say the least.  
Pushing the issue aside, she raised her arms and clasped her hands together, stretching her limbs. She groaned softly and happily as she felt her stiff body loosen up.  
Then, as she leaned over to dust her shirt, she swept her gaze around the lab. Where was everyone? She had seen Terezi abscond, but that did not explain why Equius, Nepeta, Eridan, Vriska, Tavros and Gamzee were missing. She frowned, trying to remember the last time she’d seen any of them.  
Then something caught her eye. She glanced over and that frowned turned into a smile.  
The matriorb. The future of the race known as trolls, whose members she had become quite attached to.  
She picked it up, careful not to prick her hands on any of the many horns that stuck out of it. Then an eager idea wriggled its way to the front of her brain.  
She glanced around. Karkat had gone off to his own computer and was sulking there. As much as she’d love to let him know where she was going, she would much rather not be stopped from proceeding with her new-found goal.  
Stroking the orb gently, she crossed over to the transportalizer. Just as her foot touched it, light flashed and she was knocked backwards.  
She banged her head on the floor, hard. The world rung loudly in her ears as Eridan leaned over her. Her gaze blurred and she was pretty sure he had been trying to hold a deceit, non-flirty conversation, but the jadeblood simply couldn’t have comprehended what the sea-dweller was telling her with her head throbbing painfully. And by the time her hearing returned, he had gone over to the horn-pile.  
“Prick…” Kanaya hissed, sitting up and rubbing the back of her head.  
She stood after a moment or so and dusted herself off. Then she looked up.  
Right in time to watch Sollux’s psionic powers loose over Eridan’s white “science” and be knocked out cold. She stared, stunned, and watched Feferi turn on her former moirail.  
And get shot right through the chest.  
Instinctively, she drew her lipstick.  
The purpleblood turned to her. She bared her fangs, locking eyes with him. Then, abruptly, his gaze lowered.  
He looked at the matriorb at her feet.  
 _No._  
She reached for the cap of the ‘stick.  
And watched the orb blow up.  
Anger surged through her. An uncontrollable rage of grief and hatred, followed by a sudden need for vengeance. Her lipstick turned into a chainsaw.  
She rushed him, raising the buzzing weapon above her head as she leapt across the gap between them.  
He raised his wand for a counterattack.  
And shot her through.  
Her body snapped back in recoil at the force and she dropped like a stone. Her world went black as she hit the hard lab floor.  
And she died.


	3. A Choice

She jolted up right, hitting and knocking her laptop off as she flailed to get out of her covers.  
 _Oh god oh god oh god!_ She crawled out of her bed, hurrying out of her bedroom.  
She had to get back! Her alternate-self’s dream-self was already dead. If she didn’t figure out how to get back there, Kanaya would be dead for good and Karkat would probably be the next to die!  
She hurried into the kitchen. A wild idea fluttered through her mind. She grabbed a knife from the drawer. If this didn’t work…Well, she’d rather not think about what’ll happen if it doesn’t.  
She sank to the floor, turning the blade toward her middle. She paused.  
“Okay, so, here’s the plan, Karkat.” She mumbled, feeling her courage slipping. She hoped pretending to explain it to someone else would help. “I’m a just…Kinda stab myself and…Well, hopefully, that’ll wake my troll-self up.”  
She sucked in a deep breath. That hadn’t worked to well. She had made herself sound much crazier than she meant to.  
Then, suddenly, she glanced around. Was this really a good idea? Could she really give up this life for the possibility that it may bring back someone else? What if she didn’t remember her human life after this?  
Could she really leave her brother all alone?  
Her hands dropped. Tears pricked her eyes. Her big brother. The one who had always been there for her, especially since their parents had died and their sister had abandoned them.  
But what about Karkat?  
The tears ran down her face. Karkat. Short, stocky Karkat. Angry, yet caring Karkat. Could she really just leave him there? Leave him alone with no one else but Gamzee and Terezi to turn to?  
Her grip on the handle tightened. She had a choice.  
Her brother or Karkat.  
“I’m so sorry.” She whispered.  
And then plunged the knife deep into her stomach.  
Pain shot through her as her human blood spilled onto the white tile floor. She gasped, and then choked out some blood. She groaned softly, flopping ungracefully onto her side.  
She pulled the knife out and dropped it. Rolling onto her back as her bright blood pooled around her, she reached out a shaky and bloody hand.  
And began to write.


	4. No Turning Back

She came to; surprised that she had to fight off some instinctual monster that was controlling her body.  
Why was she covered in blood? She blinked and realized she was wearing Equius’ shades.  
She glanced down.  
She inwardly recoiled from the scene at her feet. She tore the shades off, unable to clearly see, or so she thought.  
She gasped, paling. The floor was covered in a purple liquid. Her eyes followed the blood to its source. Eridan.  
“No…” She whimpered, falling to her knees.  
She’d killed him. Cut Eridan in half.  
The jadeblood glanced around. How long had the monster inside her been controlling her body? What had she done while under that control?  
Vriska was on the floor, rubbing a blue, fist-sized bruise and eyeing her. Her former moirail looked a little flushed. Not far from the telepath, near the veil, lay two large clown shoes.  
Gamzee’s shoes.  
She covered her mouth, tears of regret pricking her eyes. No. She couldn’t have. She could not have hurt him. Not Gamzee. Not sweet, friendly Gamzee.  
“Kanaaaya…” Vriska called, her obnoxious voice barely worming its way into the distressed female’s mind.  
She stood.  
 _No._  
She couldn’t handle this right now.  
 _I didn’t. I couldn’t have…_  
She was glowing. She was covered in blood. And she wanted to drink it. Tears ran down her face as she clutched at her middle, which was bond by purple cloth.  
Suddenly, she wanted to go back.  
She wanted to be Kathleen again. To go back to her human life and her brother. To be as normal as girl with sleeping disorders could be.  
This girl didn’t want to be a rainbow-drinker. Didn’t want to be responsible for her friend’s death. Or maybe deaths, since she didn’t know what else she had done while being controlled by instinct.  
She didn’t want to be Kanaya the undead, jadeblooded troll that everybody took for granted.  
Then the jadeblood ran. Left the body, the shoes and her former flushed crush behind. She ran like she could outrun her new fate.  
But she couldn’t.  
Because there was no turning back now.


	5. An Apology

The body was found that night by the older sibling.  
Kathleen’s body lay limply on her side, a drying pool of blood surrounding her.  
A knife lay near her. One of her hands clutched her wound, fingers locked in place over the hole. The other lay limply out stretched on the floor.  
Two fingers, coated in her blood, lay at under a half, unfinished of a letter.  
And this letter was part of a word. And this word was part of a duo.  
And this duo read:  
 _“I’m sorry…”_


End file.
